FAILING IS LEARNING

The cliché saying that a winner is someone who lost several times but didn’t give up is as true as truism gets. Failure is a part of life, as it is a part of living your purpose.

The embracing of failure puts you ahead of others because it helps you solidify your resolve in your ability to make things better, and your commitment to making them work.

As you live your live daily in micro-purpose, accept the vicissitudes of life, see them as blessings and not curses, as learning curves and not stops. Your journey is useless when you never fail!

There is a popular saying I have tried to implement daily: if you don’t FAIL daily, your growth is slow.

I say ‘I have been trying to implement’ because failing daily isn’t something any sane person wants to experience. But the idea of failing daily is that you try new, adventurous, dare-devil things. Daring things, in this context, does not apply to you being stupid with your life, risking your health trying to jump off a cliff alone. Dare-devil things mean pushing the boundaries of your mind and body, trying new ideas and productive skills, pushing your business revenue threshold. You won’t become a better man if you stay within the confines of what you’re used to. Heck, the moment you start feeling comfortable for too long, then some things are not moving.

I am not saying you should go out in search of things to make your heartbeat double. Heck no! I’m saying, that as you grow as a person in search of the fullest version of yourself, you need to place yourself, intentionally and intelligently, in uncomfortable situations that’ll help you grow.

Life is about suffering!

Life, truly, is about suffering, whether you choose to believe it or not. You suffer when you don’t live your best life. You suffer when you don’t feel alive in the things you do and the life you live. You suffer if you don’t discipline yourself to do the things you need to do. You suffer when you rely on comfort all the time! Comfort kills your joy and robs you off your success and speed.

So, as you go through each day, ask yourself, ‘what new and daring thing can I do today that’ll make my life and micro-purpose better?

The search for more is what excellence is about. You are not an idiot for asking for more from yourself. You’re not the most stupid person alive for demanding more from yourself; you’re the exception to the rule.

Demanding more from yourself and getting used to failure helps you build a failure-resilience muscle that’ll serve you well in the future.

HOW TO DEAL WITH FAILURE

I titled this how to deal with failure not because I think there’s a perfect way to handle failure, but because I have tested and am learning how to deal with failure.

Failure is never cool. failure takes away your steeze, and if you’re not careful, can rob you of your self-confidence. However, there are ways to handle failure such that it doesn’t become a part of your identity.

Some years ago, I had a conversation with somebody about failure and how it affects people. According to this person, let’s call him A, failing is good. A was a writer, and in the writing space, rejection mails were the norm. Sending your stories for top magazines to publish, and getting rejected by those magazines was a norm. It was even seen as a badge of honour when you get multiple Nos. The law of averages played a significant role in the writing-for-literary-magazine space. My argument then was that too many rejections can be dampening. While he said it doesn’t dampen anyone when they get Nos, he failed to realize that he’d gotten some yeses in the past so was not accustomed to a life of rejections.

Except we have, in the past, built up such unshakable resilience and belief in our abilities, rejections sting. At first, they may not sting, but when they become consistent, it starts to feel like a part of us. We start to identify as people who fail. Maybe not necessarily the big F, Failure, but our sense of self starts to wane, and before long, we are beaten to the ground.

There is way to handle failure.

Now, I am not saying my way of handling failure automatically makes whatever sting failing at something brings to become nonexistent, I’m saying there is a way to handle the failings that they don’t sting as much.

Silence and introspection are the two ways I handle rejection and failure. I stay silent because I find my authentic self in my silence. I see who I truly am — the emotions I feel, the way I think about myself and failure. Silence helps me unpack all the way the failure makes me feel.

I have realized that I am uncomfortable with my thoughts, as many people are. I am constantly trying to get busy with other things other than sit with my thoughts and emotions. When you fail, stay silent. Allow your thoughts gain clarity. Sit with it. Talk to it. How did the failure make you feel about yourself and your abilities? Are you angry?

After sitting with your thoughts, ask yourself why you think you failed. Progress is never made after a failure if the reason for the failure is not known. You might not understand the exact cause of the failure, but you can analyze what happened to know how you could have done it differently. The introspection will help you make better decision going forward. If you just ‘move on’ after a failure, then you might make the same mistake as before. You want to make progress by taking better steps as you go forward. By introspecting, you are able to change a few things and make progress.